You are my husband and that's okay, but why couldn't you look more like Christian Grey?



After all these years, I still have that spark, but my eyes are still good, so can we do it in the dark?



Our love is something that was destined to last, even though my parents thought you were trash.



You're the only woman I've ever loved . . . who hasn't hit me with a restraining order.



You lean left, I lean right.  But my junk's bipartisan, so grab it tight.


It's not easy to say.  But I'll give it a try.  I married you for money, and want you to die.



You're my favorite maid, and I don't want to sound like a creep . . . but I think we should get married before the next immigration sweep!



My love for you burns brighter than a Samsung Galaxy Note 7.



I love you bigly and that's no alternative fact. 



I wish I could have given you a diamond ring . . . but you'll have to settle for dinner at Burger King.